The statute of limitations runs out in March 2019. Are you really going to drag this out, keep stalling so I will have no legal recourse if you decide not to pay this claim? Do I have to listen to two and a half more years of nonsense: you can’t find the phone number for a hospital. Your Google Maps isn’t working so you’re not sure where Massachusetts is or if it even exists. Your client was driving a BMW 328i and I was driving a Corolla so it doesn’t really matter who was at fault because Dude! Beamer! Kick ass! Bros before hos! Who cares about who gives a fuck about an old lady in a Corolla? I know, right? Did you see the way that fucking car flipped RIGHT ON THE ROAD, man? Kick ass! Just like GTA! I mean, you barely touched that bitch and she’s whining about an accident that SHE WALKED AWAY FROM. I mean, literally, dude. You saw her. You and your bros were standing next to your Beamer in the median and you saw the bottom of that Toyota because the fucker was upside down and you figured that bitch was toast, man. And then she came crawling up out of the ditch like some fucking Sasquatch Terminator. Seriously. Bitch was covered in mud. Hilarious, dude. Fucking hilarious.
Okay, so that might not be an actual conversation between you and the other driver. But a BMW328i? That’s a lot of car for a 20-year-old, no?
Yeah, high five, dude. Sorry about your Beamer but your folks got you another one, right? I mean, you’re in college and you need a car. I know, right? And if you’re going to a state school they’re saving tons of cash and you totally deserve that Beamer. They got that one used? It was what, a 2013? Sweet. I mean, how could you possibly be expected to know that it would spin out like that? I mean, it was raining, not snowing! And you were only going, what, 70? Over 80? Kick ass! You are my fucking hero, man.
Yeah, that probably didn’t happen either. Hard to say what would have happened if your client hadn’t hit me. I can’t prove that he was tailgating me. All I know is that if he had been going any faster, hit the guardrail any harder, he would have gone into the eastbound lanes. And he would have killed someone. If there had been someone next to me in the right lane I would have killed someone. If there had been a truck in the right lane next to me I’d be a stain on the road. If his car had been bigger. If mine had been smaller. If he had been going faster. If I had been going faster or slower. I got my car inspected that day: that sticker lasted 6 fucking hours. But it means my car was legal and safe according to the state of Maine. That means my brakes, my tires, my lights were all good. I was sober and awake. I wasn’t on the phone. I wasn’t texting. I was singing along to the Beatles with both hands on the wheel.
Massachusetts does exist. Just go to Albany and turn right. And the number for the billing office at UMASS Memorial hospital in Worcester is 1-800-225-8885 (weekdays, 9 am to 4:30 pm).