F*ck Self-Care: the series

BECAUSE SELF-CARE IS JUST DEPRESSION SYMPTOMS WITH LAVENDER BATH BOMBS.

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not kidding about the haircut

AM I SHOUTING? I THINK I’M SHOUTING. Depression? Yes. Biological, situational, seasonal, I’ve got it all. I’m trying to write about depression and I’m overwhelmed because I’m depressed and I know I’m depressed and I’m observing myself being depressed and I’m kicking my lazy ass over and over in the infinite battle to JUST STOP BEING DEPRESSED. Because if I can stop being depressed I CAN FIX EVERYTHING. And if I can fix everything, then I CAN STOP BEING DEPRESSED. Here is a list of future topics in the Fuck Self-Care series. Or maybe Fuck Self-Care is just one post filled with deeply hilarious one-liners. Much like life, we need to wait and see. And as always, I speak only for myself. Your mileage may vary.

  • FUCK SELF CARE. I’D RATHER BE JACK BAUER
  • LISTS ARE WEAPONS OF PERSONAL DESTRUCTION
  • MARYHOPE, HOW CAN YOU THINK ABOUT  YOURSELF AT A TIME LIKE THIS?
  • DEFINE “FUNCTIONING”
  • MENOPAUSE ISN’T HELPING. ANYTHING. EVER.
  • I’LL BEAT MY HEAD AGAINST THE SAME BRICK WALL ONE MORE TIME JUST TO SEE IF IT STILL HURTS
  • YOU’RE RIGHT, I DON’T LOOK DEPRESSED. I LOOK LIKE I NEED A HAIRCUT.
  • MY SELF-ESTEEM IS NOT GOING TO ERODE ITSELF
  • I SPLIT THE TIME-RELEASE PILL AND LIVED TO TELL ABOUT IT
  • THE RX LABEL SAYS DO NOT CHEW OR CRUMBLE FOR A REASON
  • SHARING RUMI QUOTES ON FACEBOOK IS THE GROWNUP EQUIVALENT OF UNDERLINING PASSAGES IN THE BELL JAR
  • FUCK YOU, RUMI (I DON’T MEAN THAT)
  • NAMASTE, BITCHEZ (I DO MEAN THAT)
  • WHY I CAN NEVER RETURN TO THE URGENT CARE AT 3400 MAIN STREET
  • ONE DAY AT A TIME IS THE ONLY WAY THEY HAPPEN FOR ANYONE
  • DID I EVER ACTUALLY THINK THAT GETTING EXPELLED FROM SMITH WOULD BE THE WORST THING THAT COULD POSSIBLY HAPPEN TO ME?
  • MY MONSTROUS FEAR OF ABANDONMENT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS
  • SCATHING INNER MONOLOGUES ARE A QUICK & EASY EXERCISE YOU CAN DO ANYWHERE
  • I’M NOT BIPOLAR, I’M A MOOD-ENHANCED AMERICAN
  • BABY STEPS GET ME NOWHERE
  • QUITTING MY MEDS WILL NOT MAKE ME ANY MORE OF AN EMPATH
  • GETTING MYSELF OUT OF AN UPSIDE-DOWN CAR REALLY DIDN’T LEAD TO MUCH
  • YOU’RE RIGHT, TURMERIC AND ST. JOHN’S WORT ARE ALL-NATURAL. SO ARE AMMONIA AND POISON IVY
  • I HATE EVERYTHING
  • NO YOU DO NOT WISH YOU HAD BIPOLAR (TRUST ME ON THIS, YOU WILL NOT ACCOMPLISH ANYTHING BUT THE FIRST TWO PAGES OF 100  DIFFERENT ONE-WOMAN SHOWS)
  • I’M NOT HYPOMANIC I’M JUST AS MUCH ENTITLED TO HIGHS AND LOWS AND PERSONALITY TRAITS AS ANYONE WHO DOESN’T HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER AND I’M CERTAINLY FUNNIER THAN YOU ARE AND WOULD YOU LIKE TO READ THE FIRST TWO PAGES OF MY LATEST ONE-WOMAN SHOW?
  • ANN COULTER IS PUBLISHED AND I AM NOT SO SHE MUST BE A BETTER WRITER THAN I AM AND I SHOULD JUST STOP WRITING
  • HOW CAN I ENJOY BINGE-WATCHING 24 WHEN YOU KEEP INTERRUPTING ME?
  • I WILL STOP MAKING COMPARISONS WHEN I’M AS GOOD AS EVERYONE ELSE
  • I FINALLY HAVE HEALTH INSURANCE BUT MY HEAD STILL HURTS
  • JESUS GOD IS THAT MY ASS?
  • IF I COULD JUST
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2 thoughts on “F*ck Self-Care: the series

  1. Menopause DOES have silver linings for some people. Now that I’m old and no longer producing those hormones, my allergy to dogs (that appeared with the onset of adolescence) is gone.
    And my dogs make me happy, even when everything else is sh*t.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Omg! I just realized that! I’ve been living with my parents for the past year, with two dogs and a cat. Before that I couldn’t sleep anywhere near the animals. Now they pile onto my bed every day and I have no allergy symptoms. I really wish the cat wouldn’t sit on my head while he looks out my window at night, but he’s a cat. Wow! Thx for your comment!

      Like

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